The last time I blogged...? I believe it was before facebook, myspace, photobucket, and the majority of my text included talks about the disney chat room and puppies and kitties. Yes the last time I actaully sat down and shared more than a few thoughts was a very long time ago.
I felt I needed to start back up on the blog train, remembering my days of listening to britney spears and writing in my journal, also remembering how much of a release it was for me. The way the pen would glide smoothly across a fresh blank page, the way my mind would run wild when otherwise held dormant, afraid of the thoughts that would emerge. It was pure bliss. A way to unwind. Even though most of the stuff I wrote was silly, (how my best friend at the time did not want to share her shake with me) it felt so good to get it out. You see, my brian is very different from many others. I cant find a way to force myself to think... to deal with the problems that are in front of me, to find solutions to make my life better, to embrace the hurt that I've carried ( and will carry) for many many years. Ive found a vault in the back of my mind. Where its ever so easy to push away the scary stuff and not think about it, until it one day breaks free and I'm forced to deal with it harder than ever.
So for the sake of my own mind, my sanity, my husband, my children, and my family and freinds, here I am. And here I go. My hands slightly shake as I think of the things that could possibly emerge from my finger tips through a keyboard. Let the blogging therapy begin.
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