I was so confident, so happy, so excited about the upcoming future. My husband was voluntarily getting treatment for his problems, I was seeing a therapist and taking classes on "successful life management". I felt as if I could take on the world and that in ten days I would be back in my comfort zone, back in my bed, with my family and husband. A new stay at home mom and starting my nesting phase, having a tiny newborn that was a bundle of joy and a perfect husband bringing home the bacon all while i cooked and cleaned with a smile on my face in black and white. I had this new found feeling that even if me and my husband found we couldn't do "us" my life would be OK, I would be OK. This was all really a dream.
As the time comes closer to me not only wanting but needing to come home and start my life fresh again, I'm starting to realize its not going to be roses and candy. In fact, it may be worse then it was when i left... I'm finding myself questioning things, worrying, stressing, exactly what the doctor advised me to avoid. What do i do?
My husband is sad, different. No longer going to meetings and finding no point in it. Having a negative outlook on things. All of this has made me realize that although I'm working on myself and feeling more and more confident each day, the tragedy of us ending is still very much a possibility, and no matter how confident i am, I wont be prepared for the pain or the following trials...
I have struggled with this for hours and had to force myself to stop crying but still think logically (instead of pushing the thoughts away to avoid the hurt) and have been constantly reminding myself that I have two beautiful girls i need to worry about and that no matter what happens: LIFE GOES ON
Hold your head high, whatever life throws at you; you will be able to overcome the pain! I jumped through many hoops in my 38 years and know without a doubt I have many more to tackle. I am praying for your strength and determination to do what is best for you and your girls.
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